Continuing my sharing on the book “Winning With People” (and its workbook), there’s a chapter in it that asks if we are Bob or do we have a Bob around us. Bob, in this case, is a person who has a problem with everyone. Bob is either a:
- problem carrier
- problem finder
- problem creator
- problem receiver
When dealing with Bob of our lives, I learned from John Maxwell that:
- Respond with a positive comment
Whenever something negative gets brought to us, listen and point out the positive too.
- Show concern for someone being criticized
Whenever motives are critiqued, give the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others.
- Encourage steps towards resolution
Whenever someone brings a complaint about another person, best to get them to talk. Not doing so and just speculating would be like gossiping.
- Ask Bob to THINK before speaking
Is is True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?
- Keep Bob away from others
Don’t let their negativism spread.
Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
Whenever conflict arises between friends or peers, the first question I ask is do I still want to preserve the relationship with this person. More often than not, I do. Although restoring the trust in the relationship requires work and will take time, but it can be done.
Forgive and trust Bob again
- Forgive as if you are in the right, you have power over the other person that can’t be abused.
- It should not happen again as forgiving doesn’t mean that they can continue to hurt you. This has to be communicated.
- Treat them according to their best qualities. The only way you can make another person trustworthy is by trusting them.